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Dear Friends Who Voted for Trump,
This week you exercised your civic duty to vote, which is the duty of all Americans, but not the only duty we have. It is also our duty after an election to try to continue to move forward our country in the best way possible, building up our unity as a nation. And in this regard, now is your moment to shine. Many of us associate the phrase “with great power comes great responsibility” with Uncle Ben from Spiderman, but it has roots in many faith traditions including Christianity (Think Luke 12:48). All of the books I read on the ethics of power when working on Redeeming Power stressed that it is the person who has more power in any moment that has the greater responsibility to watch out for those with less, to hold good boundaries so that the other doesn’t get trampled on, and in this moment in time—I am going to argue—build bridges for the sake of unity. We all have the responsibility to build bridges with the other side, but the weight of the hard work of doing so belongs to you right now in a particular way.
I’ve worked in the field of bridge building professionally now for over a decade. I’ve travelled the country and been to all 50 states—lots of it related to helping people talk through tough stuff and heal relationships that are strained. I’ve been figuring out what works and what doesn’t in this regard. I’ve learned a lot these past several years.
During the past election season, I did lots of workshop and webinars related to de-polarization. One of the things that has been challenging for me personally is that the people who keep showing up for these workshops tend to lean left. The voice of Trump voters is not well-represented in these sessions and if you want to be part of leading the way toward promoting peace and reconciliation as any good Christian professes to want to do (and I know you to be in that category), your country needs you to take the bridge building mandate seriously. These efforts can’t be one-sided.
This week I ask you to reach out to one person who voted differently from you. Be the one to initiate conversation. The purpose of this is not to debate the election, but to nourish a sense of connection and offer care. You could say something like:
“Hey, I know you and I voted differently this past election. I’m just checking in to see how you are doing and how we are doing (as friends / parishioners / cousins, etc..). I want you to know I care about you.”
Beware of a couple things that will likely happen because they are common things to happen when initiating a conversation of this sort:
- The person says they don’t want to talk to you right now. That’s okay. They’ll still remember that you cared enough to ask about them and it opens the door for them to reach out in the future. Keeps the connection open.
- They might get angry and blame you. That is also okay. It happens to me all the time in the work that I do. Anger and accusations are the wavy surface of a river of grief and fear that is flowing under the surface. You don’t have to agree that the person should be afraid or sad, you just want to note that you see they do feel that way. You could say something like. “It sounds like you have things you are really worried about right now. Tell me more about that.”
It is not a time to debate this person when emotions are strong. You can just affirm the feeling itself if you want: “I can hear you feel really scared.”
Lots of what you hear might feel unfair to you. Inside your head, a voice will start to fight back, “That’s not true. That’s not why I voted for him. That’s a lot of assumptions you are making about me.” Just try to put a cap on that voice for the time being. Instead say, “I’ll think about what you’ve said.”
And then do that. Take it to prayer and ask, “Jesus, what parts of this feedback should I look at more and what can I toss out?” Do go ahead and toss out what is unhelpful, but don’t do so without asking Jesus if there’s something worth paying attention to… even if it has arrived in language that feels unfair.
What you will be hearing from the other person is the impact of Trump’s election on them. The voice inside your head will again want to argue, “But I had good intentions. I want the best for the country. I’m not trying to hurt you.” Of course you do and of course you aren’t. But it is possible that you can have good intentions and still have a really negative impact on people. It’s also true that others hard words can have a negative impact on you… and that they have good intentions in saying what they do. So just let those two things be.
Where you can in the conversation acknowledge, “I know I meant well. I know I was trying to make the best choice for our nation AND it sounds like the outcome of the election has been really hurtful to you.”
If you were able to say this to one other person this week, I promise that it would make a world of difference, even if it doesn’t seem like much. Today’s Gospel reading is that of the widow who gives her two cents to the temple treasure. Her contribution was so small that some might have said it was not even worth giving, especially since it cost her so much. But go ahead and do what you as one person can do. In the big scheme of things, it might not seem to make much of a change to the anger and division and hurt that is our current moment in time, but Jesus will see it and take notice.
I have a new resource out in partnership with RENEW International called Many Voices, One Spirit: Building Bridges in Today’s Divided Church. Because its production was funded by the United States Catholic Conference of Bishops, it is free. All you have to pay is postage. Could I ask that you get a copy for yourself, and maybe you’d like to get multiple copies to start a small discussion group to take leadership in the effort to heal our country. With power comes responsibility.
PS - I have already been asked if four years ago I urged those who voted for Biden to be kind to the other side. Yes, I offered myself on Facebook to listen to those who were feeling discouraged or frightened. And I've been saying the same kinds of things in my workshops and webinars every time I teach on this topic for years on end.
(photo credit: Annie Spratt from Unsplash)